Head Out On The Highway

SPOILER ALERT: I am 63% into Motorcycle Man.  

HOLY SHIT!  Tyra just saw that SKANK doing Hop and the caca is hitting the proverbial wind-blowing machine!!!!!!  I so totally did NOT see this one coming.  Everything's been going along smoothly and then BAM!  Not so smooth.

And it's quite a wake up call!!  I have been living in lala land right along with Tyra...enjoying every second of her relationship with Tack.  Never stopping to think "Holy shit - this guy is a big time BIKER.  Not just "a biker"...but THE biker.  He's the HEAD of a BIKER GANG entitled CHAOS.  SHIT.  WHAT the EFF am I is she DOING?!?"

This brings me back to when I was a kid in PA.  There was a scary assed biker gang in my area called The Warlocks and they were a really scary biker gang that lived about 20 minutes away from my house in this old, Victorian mansion.  And let me tell you... We. Were. TERRIFIED of them.  You'd be driving down the highway and 50 motorcycles would pass your car.  It was really freaky.

Soooo...I get to this part about that bitch from hell doing Hop - backwards (giggles) - and watch Tyra tell Tack off...and it all just hits me:  GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE, GIRL!!!  What are you DOING?!  They're going to eat you up and spit you out!  I'm just sitting here thinking "Holy shit - the honeymoon is OVAH.  Tack's gonna CHEAT on yo' ass.  WTF are you waiting for?  Move the eff ON."

Seriously...everything's fine...as long as she agrees to live in HIS world; not hers.  And we all know that shit won't work forever.  I mean come on!  Look...I made it through eating chips out of the bag.  I made it through Tack barely saying "Hi" to all the boyfriend hotness at Club.  But stick around and watch this cougar fuck her way through the entire club?  Multiple times?  Including Tack?  No effing WAY.

Get OUT, girl!  While the gettin' is good!

As if he's going to let her out.  Ugh - no way.  He's going to FLIP.  And it ain't go' be pretty.  And it has given me a ton to ponder.  Kristen Ashley has never let a girl walk away from her Dream Man before...I'm dying to know if she's going to start now.  My brain says "No friggin way, I'm a dumbass for even thinking it"...but seriously...HOW is this shit going to sort itself out?!  Tack is TACK.  Tack is Chaos.  Ain't no way...no how...that he's going to start living his life differently at 41 years of age.  I bet he'll give Tyra some BS answer about only wanting HER in his bed and only wanting to fuck HER face (ROFLMAO sorry; couldn't resist) but you know...eventually boyfriend's going to stay out a little too long one night...and then not come home at all the next...and Tyra's going to find out he's with that skank at the compound...or - heaven forbid - yet another skank somewhere else.

OMG I have to go read.  This shit is KILLING me!!!  Stay tuned!

You GO, Girl

SPOILER ALERT:  I am at 44% in Motorcycle Man.  

OMG I can't type long because I MUST go read.  M'girl Vi - along with Gwen and Mara - just busted into Tyra's office and said they want to take her out for cosmos.  And Tack was all protective and saying "no"...but then he changed it to "yes" for Wednesday night.  Wish those bitches would come and take ME out for cosmos on Wednesday night.  A girl needs bitches.  And cosmos.

So let's see...what's been happening?  Well...I almost shat my pants when Tyra, Lanie (who I'm  not sure I like) and Auntie Badass Air Force One got kidnapped.  And when my man HAWK walked in....OH my god...I jumped right the hell out-my-seat and said "WHOA!"  I was "this close" to blogging but I couldn't because I had to know what was happening.

This is the BEST Dream Man book!  LOVE LOVE LOVE all the girl/boy drama!  When Tyra got mad because Tack made Lanie pancakes?  OH my gosh I was right along with her in her jealousy. LOOK at Lanie.  She's gorgeous. And was it me or was she flirting with Tack RIGHT AFTER she found out about Elliot???  And then when Tack put her on his bike after the kidnapping?  Oh SHIZ, I was NOT happy about that at ALL.  I was in total agreement with Tyra.  I'd have been soooooo bummed.  SHE is supposed to be saved!  Not Lanie!  Tyra was supposed to ride off into the sunset with Tack...not her damned bestie with her long ass legs and perfect skin.  (LOL I think I made those qualities up in my mind...not really sure.)

Then I was SO SAD when Tyra broke it off with Tack...but I was SO HAPPY she stuck to her guns and I was SO PROUD OF HER!!!  I was sitting there reading that heart wrenching scene and feeling every second of it!  And I was thinking "Girl...do NOT stay.  Do NOT!  This is so dysfunctional!  Either get what you want...or scram."  I'm so glad she played by her own rules.  That rocked.

OK so now they talked - she's staying - he's making her chops (a-his stuffing sounds great and b-I love a man who cooks!) and they're discussing why she left her old life.   And - once again - I totally agree with everything Tyra is saying.  I can totally relate to this chickie.  She - in a word - rocks!  :)

OK I'll shut up now...but I must tell you one thing.  The term "man bun" is friggin so funny...as is "biker brethren".  There have just been so many laughs in this book; I love it.

OK gots to go.  More later!

Today's Tom Sawyer

SPOILER ALERT:  Starting Chapter 10 - aka 21% in Motorcycle Man. 

I have to admit something.  I truly thought "Rush" was going to have been named for the band.  Come to find out he's always in a rush.  NOT that that's not a fun reason to be named "Rush".  I just was expecting something involving the greatest drummer of all time.  Not to mention the band that FAILED AS THEMSELVES in Guitar Hero.  Let's be honest; that shit is funny.

OK sorry - back to Tack et al...

Poor Tyra is shitting her pantalones because she's got to tell Lanie that her fiance is a dirtbag.  Well, actually, he doesn't sound like all that much of a dirtbag but Tack says he is...so that's that.  I can't figure out if Tack knew him or if they just met for the first time at Tyra's.  I'm sure I'll figure it out.  Clearly Elliot is messed up with the Russian mob dude from Law Man.  THAT should be an interesting story; I'm looking forward to it.

I liked meeting Tabby and Rush - they sound like cool kids.  I keep wondering what things are like for them at school, since Tack is their dad.  Can you imagine the chatter in the cafeteria and on the grassy knoll?  "That's Rush.  Don't mess with him.  His dad is a badass."

Tack may be my favorite dream man at this point.  He is delish.  Everything sounds hot coming out of his mouth. (Even (especially?) the stuff I usually send giggly email to the girls about because I grew up going to Catholic school.)  But I'm having a hard time visualizing him.  I think I see him as some type of morphing of Joe Manganiello, Dominic Purcell and Hulk Hogan.  I know; I'm wacked.  Check it out and let me know what you think!

Things Is Gonna Be Changin' Round Here. Pass Me That Pizza, Boy.

SPOILER ALERT - I'm 12 % into Motorcycle Man.

THE COLOR PURPLE?!?  ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?

This is like my "Still They Ride" moment from Wild Man!

"Y'ALL WAS ROTTEN KIDS! YOU WASSSS!!!!! YOU WAS ROTTEN KIDS!!!!!!!"

OH my god.  The Color Purple is my favorite drama.  Of all time.  (I say "drama" because my favorite movie - "Arthur" - is a comedy...but The Color Purple is in my top 5 and definitely the greatest drama EVER.)  And I'm a little rusty because I haven't seen it from start to finish in quite a while.  But whenever it's a nasty, wet day outside and I have to run to my car, the first thing I think is:

"It's go' rain on yo' head!"

OH my god I can't believe they're watching The Color Purple.  And of course, Tack is all "WTF is this shit?"  And I am still in disbelief that he's a) on her couch and b) has just shared so fully and matter of factly.  And damnit...now I want pizza.

And, you know...I think I like Tyra's somewhat mindless job.  I haven't had a real PAYING job in 10 years, since my kids were born.  (Can't count the film production stuff until we start making $$!)  And I'm thinking "I might just get me a job at a place where I can answer the phones, type in the orders and bring donuts for the mechanic/body work dudes."  How fun does that sound?  No pressure, just light banter with biker dudes...and no hassle.  Where do I sign up?!

And PS - am I the only one who thinks "Holy crap, Dream Man would be an awesome TV series"???  They can all it friggin "Denver".  Like "Dallas"!  And rotate the storylines.  It. Would. RULE.  I am going to cast this shit on the blog pretty soon; it's too juicy not to.

Fucking THE COLOR PURPLE, Y'ALL!!!  "When I see'd you...I know'd there is a God.  I KNOW'D there is a God."

Motorcycle Man: Take 1

SPOILER ALERT:  I am on seriously like page 4 of Motorcycle Man.

HOLY EFFING SHIZ!!!!!  I am literally at 2% on the Kindle and ALREADY I had to throw it down and pick up the laptop.

Tyra is standing outside of Ride, waiting to go in to her first day on the job...and Tack is MAKING THE HELL OUT with some dark haired chick in the parking lot!  With his hand on her ass!!!  It's MONDAY and they were together on SATURDAY!!! OH MY GOD!! I'm so embarrassed for her!!!

You know what?  THIS is why I was never a slut.  THIS is why I didn't sleep around.  THE DAY AFTER!!!!!  How positively MORTIFYING!!!  And OH my God I was beyond dying for her when he told her to leave her number and scram.

Holy CRAP I'm afraid to hit the "next page" button!!!!!!!

"The suspense is terrible.  I hope it will last."  ~Oscar Wilde