Head Out On The Highway

SPOILER ALERT: I am 63% into Motorcycle Man.  

HOLY SHIT!  Tyra just saw that SKANK doing Hop and the caca is hitting the proverbial wind-blowing machine!!!!!!  I so totally did NOT see this one coming.  Everything's been going along smoothly and then BAM!  Not so smooth.

And it's quite a wake up call!!  I have been living in lala land right along with Tyra...enjoying every second of her relationship with Tack.  Never stopping to think "Holy shit - this guy is a big time BIKER.  Not just "a biker"...but THE biker.  He's the HEAD of a BIKER GANG entitled CHAOS.  SHIT.  WHAT the EFF am I is she DOING?!?"

This brings me back to when I was a kid in PA.  There was a scary assed biker gang in my area called The Warlocks and they were a really scary biker gang that lived about 20 minutes away from my house in this old, Victorian mansion.  And let me tell you... We. Were. TERRIFIED of them.  You'd be driving down the highway and 50 motorcycles would pass your car.  It was really freaky.

Soooo...I get to this part about that bitch from hell doing Hop - backwards (giggles) - and watch Tyra tell Tack off...and it all just hits me:  GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE, GIRL!!!  What are you DOING?!  They're going to eat you up and spit you out!  I'm just sitting here thinking "Holy shit - the honeymoon is OVAH.  Tack's gonna CHEAT on yo' ass.  WTF are you waiting for?  Move the eff ON."

Seriously...everything's fine...as long as she agrees to live in HIS world; not hers.  And we all know that shit won't work forever.  I mean come on!  Look...I made it through eating chips out of the bag.  I made it through Tack barely saying "Hi" to all the boyfriend hotness at Club.  But stick around and watch this cougar fuck her way through the entire club?  Multiple times?  Including Tack?  No effing WAY.

Get OUT, girl!  While the gettin' is good!

As if he's going to let her out.  Ugh - no way.  He's going to FLIP.  And it ain't go' be pretty.  And it has given me a ton to ponder.  Kristen Ashley has never let a girl walk away from her Dream Man before...I'm dying to know if she's going to start now.  My brain says "No friggin way, I'm a dumbass for even thinking it"...but seriously...HOW is this shit going to sort itself out?!  Tack is TACK.  Tack is Chaos.  Ain't no way...no how...that he's going to start living his life differently at 41 years of age.  I bet he'll give Tyra some BS answer about only wanting HER in his bed and only wanting to fuck HER face (ROFLMAO sorry; couldn't resist) but you know...eventually boyfriend's going to stay out a little too long one night...and then not come home at all the next...and Tyra's going to find out he's with that skank at the compound...or - heaven forbid - yet another skank somewhere else.

OMG I have to go read.  This shit is KILLING me!!!  Stay tuned!

Dream Man Take 2: Wild Man

SPOILER ALERT:  I am starting Chapter 6 in Wild Man.

OMG - so much to say.  I wanted to get the blog looking shiny and new before I posted.

Fasten those seatbelts, children...and hold on tight!

OK first off...I almost plotzed on my lounge chair when Elvira freakin showed up at the baby shower.  EL-VI-RA!  I had no idea we were going to get to witness her hilarity in this book, too!  Love!  When she whipped the fixins for Cosmos out the damn (massive) purse, I nearly fell the hell over.  How much do you WISH Elvira was in your life?!?  Nell Carter with cosmos, y'all.  Nell with cosmos.

The fact that all of the women from Mystery Man are in Wild Man makes me very happy since I'm not over Mystery Man yet and I was missing them terribly!

BUT...(and hang on because this may sting a little)...Um Gwennie?  Could you maybe SHUT IT about Jake/Brock's past?  I remember a day not so long ago, dearie, when you were devastated at the BULLSHIT Cam was feeding you about Hawk's DAYS, mmmkayyy?  Remember FILLER?!  YOU are the FIRST one who should stand up and say "Gossip, y'all.  Let her ask her man about it.  Vi? (I call Elvira, "Vi")  Can you fix me another one of those cosmos?  Thanks, babe."

But does she do that?  Nooooooo.  Girlfriend sits there and tells Tess about the skank!  BLORRRRRRTTTTTT.  I would have been so grossed out, I'd have told Jake/Brock to go get tested and come back in 6 months (after throwing up on my latest cake).  Um, EWWWWWWW.  Talk about job loyalty.  Gwen wasn't kidding!  (That was pretty amusing, actually.)

Totally amusing:  Jake/Brock being MAD at Tess for blowing him off for 3 months after he put his thingie in her whoo whoo for the first time and she made him a promise whilst his seed was still inserted in her nethers.  (I'm ROFLMAO just typing that.)

HOW do I begin to respond to that?!?  Um, DUDE...your jiffy lube had no sooner come back out when your  boys BUSTED DOWN HER DOOR and hauled her ass down to the station!  Then she was harassed by Bad Cop-turned-Good "I want to date you" Cop while you sat there and WATCHED!!!  How would I feel if put in that situation?  Hmm.  Let's think for a minute.  PISSED THE FUCK OFF!!!!  He's lucky she didn't move her ass to Kentucky the next day!

(I kept thinking that if it were Hawk, he'd have had cameras on her 24/7 and would have popped back in a few times in the middle of the night for a quick one.)

OK I need to get back to reading because things are getting good.  Poor Jake/Brock.  Everyone hates him.  Everyone but Tess, that is.  When Martha and Elvira were outside watching, I was a little weirded out.  Shit, ladies...you've got a night out.  Go drink some more and leave poor Tess to deal with her beautiful fucked up man, mmmkay?  KthxBye.